LanascopiC

Text and Audio. Fiction. Memoirs. Commentative Articles.

Lanascopic is the Speculative, Contemplative, Paranormal Interested, Science Appriciating, Unchurched, God Knowing, Free Minded Cajun. Fair and Balanced, She's Unafraid to Laugh, Cry, or Question, and Compelled to Share Her Perspectives Here One at a Time.

Originals by Lanascopic Apologies: Pause Button Functions as Stop. Enjoy in One Session.

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Popcorn Church?

Page Down for Audio. Lanascopic reflects on one of the first times she watched the show- live and in person- of the casting out of demons. In vivid detail, Lana describes the scene in which a pastor casts out demons and commentates from her then-to-now perspectives.

Tattered Roots Part I: Confessions of a South Bashing Oddity

Scroll Down for Audio. Excerpt: "And on many days my friends would start talking about their daddies in the schoolyard, then I’d quietly walk away because I didn’t want to risk anyone asking me about mine. I had learned to tightly guard the impressions I gave others about me at all costs, a priority, a defensiveness in my blood which ran through my tiny self-conscious veins." -Lanascopic

Tattered Roots Part II: An Open Mind Unbuckled

In this revealing personal reflection, I compare an observant little girl's visual impressions of two interiors, one of a Catholic, then Babtist church. Her inexpressible insights reveal the sensitive curiosity of a soul searcher as well as the power of art. Years later, she has a talk with God, who seems ten pounds lighter in person than he does in the bible.

Kindred Souls Adrift: A Mother's Confession

Is adoption an option? In 1985, I experienced a bizarre dream whose manifestation into the waking world was already in progress when I awoke to watch it all again in the real, waking world. I don't know what this kind of dream is called, but I was dreaming it one minute into the future. Understanding is never a waste, and here I pass its message on to anyone who either is or knows a young person faced with a serious life decision while in the paralyzing grips of people-pleasing.

Lanascopic's Contemplations Are About You, Me, God, the Universe, Reality, Pain, Death, Reincarnation, Mind, and More. For Audio, Please Scroll Down.

Unchurched: A Clean Conscience

Page Down for Audio. Without condemning all churching, Lanascopic explains her intimate reasons for following God from the outside of religious groups, and reveals some of her religious perspectives in the process

Neurodiplomats

Page Down for Audio. Civilization has survived much, and now would be an ideal time in history to look closely at what neurologists call the differences between the male brain and the female brain. How should we approach these differences? Is it time to define maleness and femaleness in a new way? Can we escape our fears? Can we all become graceful diplomats?

Dilemma: Mind or Materialism

Page Down for Audio. Excerpt: It’s no surprise that many conservative religious communities prefer to limit the mysteries as if they were taboo or objects of foolish contemplations. Clearly, from a religious perspective they often promote a closed-circuit sort of biblical Occam’s razor, wherein assumptions outside the simplest biblical bases are deemed complex, unnecessary, and weird, thus not allowed as food for expansive thought. But science?

Why Believing Has Gotten Harder

Coming Soon: Ever wonder why it's so hard for us to consistently believe in the intangible like our ancestors did? When did people change- or have they really? Is the change for better, or not? I'll address these questions here.

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Silence For Jacob

Fort Smith, Arkansas, United States

Greetings editors and agents from around the world. Lana's always in the market for publication. Her other works include finished novels clean enough for the mainstream, dusty enough to intrigue. Inquire by email. No response after a day? Call between ten and three central time. Or Text. Thank you.

Site Reviews Parody

Welcome to Our Legendary Reviews!

"Folks! That Lanascopic, One of Our Very Own, Has Unreasonably
Refused to be Entirely Defined by Her God-given Deep South
Religious Roots- And Now This Embarassment?"

-Homebody Humphrey, Who Won't Sleep Until the Rapture 'Cause He Loathes Lanascopic.

"I appriciate Ms. Lana's honest warmth. To hell with the scientific hellbillies if they're not open minded."

-Hippy Heidy, Who drinks tea- pinky out, because she broke it in a fight with Homebody Humphry- and kicked his bald ass.

"Eh, I don't really get her essays. She's just kinda Van-Gough-weird. But with, like, sentences. I smoke a blunt then read for hours."

-Marty Mackmug, Who might be The perma-high neighbor in drag.

"What's the matter with Lanascopic'! She eats beef, and drinks the soymilk of captive interdimensional aliens. Yet? She complains about the cruelty of raising cattle for food, calls herself an 'evolving vegitarian in principal.' I quit reading halfway through because that's bunk!"

-Impatience Igor , Who has been angry for years because he's normally sensitive , intellegent, and optimistic but people still push him around- yeah, even his grandma.

"Please send money. I am Nigeria Prince stranded in Nigeria with pregnant wife in America. She is in the labor now, and they dELever already four of the babies already. Send Western Union please my money for airline expense."

-Unknown Scammer, Who might be an Egyptian libraian but is suspected to be a dangerous Granny stranded at mobility rehab.

Tiny Random Flickering Points That Aren't Always Apparent Through the Atmospheric Distortion of Our Modern Overstimulated Minds A Smiley Lanascopic says, "Slow Down and Smell the Rosy Curiosities." -Because roses can be boring without curiosity.

01

Other Bible Belts in the Universe?

Yes, they exist! Lord help us, right? There are Bible Belt regions found in Canada, Denmark, Estonia, Finland, France, Germany, Lithuania, Mexico, Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, Poland, Soviet Union, Sweeden, and United Kingdom- in Northern Ireland. So, Travelers Beware! In fairness, I can't say whether a different culture does a bible belt much differently that they do it in America. But that's a total of 15 other bible belts, 16 in all in the world according to Wikipedia. I'd go there just to see what it's like- only because I could fly away on an airplane at any time.

02

Laughing Animals?

Yes! Guess how many species of animals laugh? 65. That's according to a major study at UCLA, found on www.upworthy.com, where you'll find a photo of a fox smiling his butt off. The caption reads, "Foxes giggle like children on helium." Attributed to SaveAFox/YouTube. Among other laughable laughers are chimps and even rats. Hey? I just wanna know why humans laugh- it's a little strange when you really think about it. He-he-he-he-he-he-he: And it looks weird in print.

03

How Do You Get a Baby Out of a Vagina in One Piece?

Is there anyone past age sixteen anymore who doesn't know that the vagina doesn't dilate larger than ten centimeters during childbirth? Maybe? Well, an infant's head is, of course, much bigger than that. It's why fontanels exist- and it's okay if you didn't know this stuff since there's so much competing information in the world. Fontanels are like cracks, or spaces, which create five segments in the skull, and topping the skull is a small hole where these spaces converge. The skull is also softer at birth, so the infant skull can be molded during birth as it passes, uncrushed, through the birth canal. The skull eventually becomes solid, and the soft spot closes around age four. Nature is weird and wonderous, ain't it?

04

Infant Soft Spot and Infant Memory: Coincidence?

While I've found no online studies regarding the relationship of the infant soft spot and infant long-term memory, I wonder if these are related. The soft spot closes between the ages of 3 and 4, and our earliest memories of life begin around that time as well. Hmm. In poetic terms you might say that it's hard to store memories in the brain as long as there's a hole in the head. Seriously, though, I wonder why these two things happen in the infant head at about the same time. If I find out, I'll be sure to post the answer here. If not, don't go drilling any holes in your head to get rid of embarrassing memories. Unless you love the Bible Belt, where you might be deemed a Holey Head.

05

Froufrou: Is It a Real Word?

If your mother, like mine, used to get hysterically annoyed at a person, place, or system and responded by calling it "froufrou" you might wonder, as I have, whether froufrou is a real word. Froufrou, yes, as in 'Look at that Froufrou hairstyle!" Or she might say, "Why y'all actin' all Froufrou?" Well, this weird word is a noun meaning: the rustling of a woman's skirt; showy or frilly ornamentation. But wait- it's also an adjective meaning: very showy or fancy. So, I guess it's similar to the word gaudy. Yes, Mama said gaudy a lot, too. Now, feel free to say froufrou- but beware, if anyone snaps a pic of you in mid-pronunciation, you'll look like a rat seeking cheese. Whatever you do, never say froufrou more than two consecutive times because it really makes the mouth's expression look, well, dumb. Don't become meme fodder.

Coming Soon: Lanascopic Fiction

Alicia: A Charming Psychological Mystery

A charming psychological mystery infused with the deception a college girl must endure on her first lone vacation. It begins, "When I was twenty, still living at home, I received a white card in the mail congratulating me for winning a free four-week stay at Ms. Gray’s Cottage Resort, which I had never heard of in my life."