"Folks! That Lanascopic, One of Our Very Own, Has Unreasonably Refused to be Entirely Defined by Her God-given Deep South Religious Roots- And Now This Embarassment?"
-Homebody Humphrey, Who Won't Sleep Until the Rapture 'Cause He Loathes Lanascopic.
"I appriciate Ms. Lana's honest warmth. To hell with the scientific hellbillies if they're not open minded."
-Hippy Heidy, Who drinks tea- pinky out, because she broke it in a fight with Homebody Humphry- and kicked his bald ass.
"Eh, I don't really get her essays. She's just kinda Van-Gough-weird. But with, like, sentences. I smoke a blunt then read for hours."
-Marty Mackmug, Who might be The perma-high neighbor in drag.
"What's the matter with Lanascopic'! She eats beef, and drinks the soymilk of captive interdimensional aliens. Yet? She complains about the cruelty of raising cattle for food, calls herself an 'evolving vegitarian in principal.' I quit reading halfway through because that's bunk!"
-Impatience Igor , Who has been angry for years because he's normally sensitive , intellegent, and optimistic but people still push him around- yeah, even his grandma.
"Please send money. I am Nigeria Prince stranded in Nigeria with pregnant wife in America. She is in the labor now, and they dELever already four of the babies already. Send Western Union please my money for airline expense."
-Unknown Scammer, Who might be an Egyptian libraian but is suspected to be a dangerous Granny stranded at mobility rehab.